The heart that breaks open can contain the whole universe.

–Joanna Macy

I had a dream a while ago.  I was on the phone and said something about “third beauty,” then laughed.  When I woke and remembered the dream, another phrase came to mind, “third age.”  Third age, I thought, what is that anyway?

I found a website that explained the concept.  It said that we will live an average of 30 years longer than our forbears, and so now had an extra “age.”  There was a graph that showed the three ages.  The first age was the age of preparation, the second age was the age of achievement, and the third age was the age of fulfillment–a time, it said, when we can be freed from our obligations to family and career.

So when does third age actually start?  And when is this time that we will be freed from obligations?  These days, many people have to–or choose to–continue to work and support themselves well into the so-called “third age” and, in some cases, support others too.  Do obligations to family ever end?  I never had a traditional family, so I don’t know.  I suppose those who have had children who have grown and gone their own ways enter into a different stage where they may have more freedom to pursue new dreams.

But there’s another issue.  By a certain time in life, many people feel overcome by all the hurts, pains, rejections, and disappointments they have suffered.  These experiences can seem to gain momentum, as if they are compacted into a giant snowball from which there is no escape.  Also, in the past, older people were respected and considered to be wise counselors.  Nowadays the focus is on youth.  Many older people feel less important and with limited options for fulfillment.  And many people look for a way to ameliorate their pain.

According to recent statistics, one in ten Americans is currently taking anti-depressants.  And the ones who are most likely to take them are people over the age of forty.   Of course there are some cases where this type of medication can be life saving.  But why is there such a huge number?  In Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World, the drug soma is taken by the masses.

“I don’t understand anything,” she said with decision, determined to preserve her incomprehension intact. “Nothing. Least of all,” she continued in another tone “why you don’t take soma when you have these dreadful ideas of yours. You’d forget all about them. And instead of feeling miserable, you’d be jolly. So jolly.”

Of course even without speaking of our own personal pain, it’s hard not to be melancholy when looking at the miseries of the world, and the facts of our own existence.   But if we can learn to recognize the pain of life without being overcome by it, then maybe a new kind of vision will arise.  If we can come to a truce with the hurts and resentments of the past, give them space and allow ourselves to feel them with compassion, then perhaps we will also be able to find a stronger connection with those who surround us.  Third Age (whenever that is) can be a time when we become more open and truer to ourselves, to our talents, to our values.  When the body fades and loses strength a new kind of energy can shine out.

There is a beauty that arises from within when a person not only feels his or her own painful experiences with a kind of endurance and acceptance, but also finds the strength to be a source of wisdom for others.  There are many examples of this kind of beauty in the world.  I’m sure everyone can name at least a few.

For me, third beauty is a beauty that emanates from the bodily form, yet is not dependent on outer show.  It is a beauty that comes from feeling, deepening, accepting, and thereby awakening to a new vision.  In this way, the beauty spreads, and we all partake of it.

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.

― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross